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‘The Green Inferno’ fails to meet its gory expectations

Alas, when I went a 10:30 PM showing of The Green Inferno, I found myself sitting alone among the rows and rows of empty seats, watching the crowds gather and disperse behind curtains that displayed showings of Black Mass or The Martian. Hell, people were even flocking to The Perfect Guy, leaving me to wonder just what the horror crowd was doing this particular night that stopped anyone else from going to a late showing of a hyped Eli Roth project that had only been out for a short time so far. Part of me wonder if I missed some fundamental element by not being in a crowd, or at least not having gone with anyone, because the mass reactions shown in the trailers looked like there’d be enough going on in the movie that someone in the pack of moviegoers would have gotten a bit worked up, in effect working everyone else up.

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Just how many holes do those beads go through?

So yes, I arrived at a 10:30 PM showing of The Green Inferno by myself, and was the only one in the theater. Despite a couple cringes here and there, I found myself detached, and a bit disinterested, and certainly not as moved or thrown about as the trailers had suggested I would be. Like I said, it could have been the lack of a crowd….but should you really need a crowd to enjoy a movie?

The story is a well-worn one; a bunch of college kids who are interested in preserving beautiful things on Earth and don’t like corporate corruption and all that fun stuff take a little trip to the Amazon to attempt to stop construction by the rain forest. Cue some tension with the government, cue a successful mission, cue a plan crash in the middle of the Amazon, and then cue the hijinx. These are the kinda kids who don’t even need a tribe of people-eaters to get themselves knocked off; after the plane crashes, those that can still move all go about three feet before STANDING right by a plane that’s on FIRE. One of them even gets his head nearly taken off by a slow-moving propeller (translation: they’re sort of idiots).

With all that being said, the tribe swarms on them quickly after their crash, and they are caged and to be fed upon one by one. This is where the real grits n’ guts of the film’s appeal is supposed to take place; it’s main hyping point was how vile the things that were done to these kids was going to be. The crowning gore achievement is probably the first act when they arrive and are inspected by the tribal leader, known as the Elder (played by Antonieta Pari). I definitely don’t want to ruin it as it’s the most effective scene in my opinion, so let’s just say it’s very…”eye-opening.”

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Ah, the cannon fodder that exists purely to be fed upon

The acting by the college kids is campy at best, although that’s hardly a concern as their characters are pretty one-dimensional, and they are simply toys to be trifled with in this film, toys that get trifled with and then cooked and enjoyed. There’s also a ridiculous amount of “knockout arrows” that were used which led me to believe by the end there was some running joke among production about these things that we hadn’t been made aware of.

When it comes down to it, and this can be said about many an Eli Roth project, it’s all about the limb loss and how the blood runneth over. With The Green Inferno….I just wasn’t that enthralled. In a land where things like Hannibal put out episodes of gore-infested cannibalism on major network cable…you’re gonna have to go a bit further than a cannibalistic tribe that does, well, exactly what all cannibalistic tribes do. The Green Inferno felt like a movie with a familiar premise and routinely predictable events, all without some sort of twist or edge that the movie was promising to possess. Whatever that twist or edge was, I didn’t see it.

It’s certainly not a terrible viewing experience. There are some campy fun moments, and while the gore didn’t have me reeling off of my seat, it was all generally well-done and should appeal to any torture junkie. It’s just that The Green Inferno carried its extreme violence like a badge of courage throughout its advertisements and ads, but it’s a bit too tame to be carrying that badge so loudly.


The Green Inferno is another Eli Roth bloodletting, but it misses a lot of the wit and sadistic charm of his previous films…there’s cannibals (yay!), but I wouldn’t say it’s anything you haven’t seen before (boo!)


PS Now Review: Killzone 3

I might be an avid player of video games, but I don’t exactly boast a budget to buy all the games that I want to play. Thankfully, I live in an age of technology where there are beautiful thing such as PS Now. On my PS4, for $19.99 a month, there is a large library of PS3 games available to be streamed. Yes, that’s right, you don’t even have to download the game, taking up all the space on your hard drive, you just stream the game whenever you decide you want to play. At the moment, there are games such as Arkham CityResistance, Way of the Samurai 3, and the first four Assassin’s Creed games. This service allows me to catch up on all those PS3 games I might have missed, and I’ll be sharing reviews of the games I play to let you fellow catch-up players know what’s worth checking and what isn’t.

That semi-long introductory paragraph brings me to my first completed game: Killzone 3. I briefly played the first two games but hardly recall a thing, but I was looking for an action-packed shooter to race through, and Killzone 3 is the perfect game to do just that. The campaign is a blistering freight train of suspense and thrills, never really stopping for longer than a minute or two, as even the cutscenes themselves move quickly and are generally pretty short.

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Don’t worry about your ammo…there’s more ammo than you’ll know what to do with

The story….well, I’ll be honest, the whole thing moves so fast a lot of the details just get lost in the shuffle. There’s a war, the bad guys are total Nazis, they’re creating evil bio-genetic weapons or some crazy shit, and the good guys are crashing into their base and not following any of the orders of their superiors, and shooting everything up. Most of the dialogue is a Captain or General telling somebody to do something, and they either argue and begrudgingly do the order, or just straight-up ignore what they’re told and go rogue. It happens throughout the whole game which makes the good guys a bit laughable in terms of battle tactics, but as I said, the story isn’t really important and the action moves so fast you won’t be too bothered by the ridiculousness of that part.

The combat is pretty solid, hopping from shoot-out to shoot-out and so on. The controls can take a few moments to get comfortable with, but once you do it’s loads of fun hopping from hiding spot to hiding spot, shooting down evil space dudes or evil folks in praying mantis-like suits. There’s a nice variety of bad guys, ranging from the usual ground troops to snipers, guys wielding flamethrowers, rocket jet-packs and a few other surprises. There’s even a fun enemy weapon (I don’t remember the name) that I called the “green goo” gun, which shoots out a green ray of sludge that completely eviscerates your opponents. Good stuff!

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These two men are terrible soldiers and will not listen to a single order from their superior

It does the usual linear shooter thing by putting you in sweet vehicles every now and then just to break the path of the gun-and-cover, but Killzone 3 doesn’t make all of the vehicles a one-time venture and at least brings pack the rocket jetpack for you a couple times throughout the game.

Overall, Killzone 3 does enough to separate itself from the vast and ever-growing shooter library, and become something I would say at the very least is above average, if not really good. There’s a definite lack of substance, but it gains a lot of those points back for its dazzling style. The campaign is worth the playthrough, so if you’re like me and always trying to find some good games you might have missed, Killzone 3 is worth that stream.

Final Verdict

An exhilarating first-person shooter that doesn’t waste much time getting bogged down in that story nonsense, with a campaign that is quick and addictive 

‘Arkham Knight’ Review: So Much Batmobile

The legacy of Batman in the realm of video games has grown to a level it probably won’t be able to reach again for quite some time thanks to Rocksteady’s reign with the character. Arkham Asylum  blew the hinges off the door that we thought had been the pinnacle of virtual Batman role-playing. Arkham City blew the whole house down, confirming that, no, virtual Batman role-playing can get better. In my two decades of gaming, very few games have had the WOW factor that Arkham City had. Forgetting Arkham Origins, which is something I think we can all easily do, with it’s slipshod story and sloppy combat and lack of Rocksteady development, this Batman series has been one of gaming’s biggest trilogies, and Arkham Knight brings it to a very satisfying close.

The game starts off one year after the events of Arkham City, which in other words means Joker’s death. Crime has declined, Gotham seems to be safer than ever before, but isn’t it always calmest just before the storm? On Halloween night, Scarecrow unleashes his fear toxin near a diner in an inspired first-person shooter sequence where you play as a GCPD officer. Once Scarecrow threatens to unleash more of the toxin, this time blanketing all of Gotham City, the city erupts in panic and a massive evacuation begins. In a matter of one night, mostly everyone has left Gotham, minus some officers, firefighters, criminals, and of course, Batman himself.

Although the idea of evacuating that many people and that quickly on all of short or no notice is a bit preposterous, but it sets things up to give us a generally vacant Gotham, packed here and there in places with the naughtier citizens of the city. It follows the same set-up as its predecessors, giving us one great big Dark Knight sandbox in which you can go from mission to mission, with some exceptions, or just simply travel from rooftop to rooftop, punching the faces of any thugs you see with reckless abandon. They’ve made gliding around the city a bit fancier with a few minor changes, but it’s all relatively about the same as we experienced in Arkham City

 The Batmobile. Prepare to use it all the time.

The major difference and one of the bigger hype pieces of Arkham Knight is the inclusion of the Batmobile. I suggest you get comfortable handling it as soon as possible, because you will spend a large chunk of this game inside of it. There are drones and tanks out along the streets of Gotham that will force you into combat, and a lot of puzzles or side stories can only be concluded with the help of Batman’s vehicle. On the positive side, the driving is pretty smooth and easy to get the hang of, and the tank combat is fun and provides a different Batman experience. As nice and refreshing as it is, unfortunately the game burrows you in relentless Batmobile gameplay until it begins to get stale, and then it just keeps on burrowing.

There’s actually a moment in the game where you will “lose” the Batmobile (trying to keep it spoiler-free), but lo and behold, ten minutes later, a replacement shows up. It’s almost as if the developers knew they were coming on too strong and trolled us mid-game by having it disappear and reappear in a matter of minutes.

Arkham Knight deserved a much more challenging boss battle.

Can we also mention the lack of memorable boss battles? Arkham City was stocked with great boss battles, like the Mr. Freeze showdown and Raz Al Ghul face-off just to mention a couple. There isn’t one memorable boss fight in this game, as they go lazy for your showdown with the Arkham Knight, and even lazier for your Scarecrow showdown. It’s too bad they didn’t attempt to at least replicate the same boss battle style that made their previous game such a remarkable experience.

The side stories are nicely chosen, and some cool yet-to-be-used villains show up throughout the game (big ups to Professor Pyg). The Riddler is still doing his “plant clues all over the city and hope Batman gives enough of a shit to find them” thing, but he’s got some really cool maze missions that might be the best parts involving the Batmobile all game. The story touches on Batman’s relationships really well, taking some story pieces from the comics that give this entry a strong sense of finality.

On that note, to achieve the official and very final ending, you have to do ALL of the side missions, and by all, I mean you have to collect Riddler’s 200-something trophies…or you can just get the natural ending and then youtube the final ending like me.

Alas, having some played all of the Rocksteady games, as well as the Arkham Origins bastard child, this isn’t the best, but it also isn’t the worst (I’m looking at you, Origins). It’s a very good game hinged with some flaws and an overuse of its new features. It was enticing enough for me to finish everything BUT the Riddler missions, and I have to say I’m very intrigued by the DLC so I’m not quite finished yet (I have the bundle package, which means I already have a code for Harley Quinn missions and Scarecrow Nightmare missions).

If you’re a Batman fanatic who has been playing since Asylum, this is simply a must-have. Rocksteady has taken us on one of the most ambitious and epic Batman journeys a gamer could ever hope for, and Arkham Knight brings it to a pretty explosive close.

Final Thoughts – You’ll get sick of the Batmobile and be begging for a boss battle, but you still glide around the city and beat the crap out of unsuspecting baddies all while following one of the more emotional and poignant Batman storylines.

Recommended Reading: THE BOX by Brian Harmon

While scrolling through some of my Kindle recommendations for some darker literature, I came across the The Temple of the Blind series by Brian Harmon. The first entry? The Box. Admittedly, I’ve already read and seen many things featuring that oh-so-mysterious box, but the synopsis sounded pretty gripping so I decided to give it a shot (what the hell, it was free anyway), and I have to say I’m quite pleased I did.

Published in 2011, the first in a series that features six books, The Box is the tale of a young puzzle-loving fella named Albert Cross. Albert finds a strange wooden box in his car with markings he doesn’t quite understand, and thus the mystery begins. His lab partner Brandy finds herself entwined in the adventure when she discovers what turns out to be the key to the box in her own car. They uncover a map that leads them underground, through service tunnels, drainage pipes and the like. What are they being led to? Well, they have no idea.

Throughout the journey in the tunnels, they discover immaculately made statues that appear a bit too human-like for comfort, etched in different dark and terrifying imagery. The statues are able to evoke emotions from them that they cannot control, and to make matters a bit more grisly, they are being followed by someone, or something, toying with them as they go deeper and deeper into the abyss.

The Box is a fresh spin on the whole jaunt through a haunted labyrinth tale, with terrific imagery describing the rooms they come across that make it easier to imagine the terror the characters have uncovered. Each room has a different theme, constantly switching things up for Brandi and Albert and you will find yourself continually questioning what’s next. It’s a fast-paced adventure-thriller, and the relationship that builds between Albert and Brandi is strong and never goes into overly cheesy territory or something that would be unbelievable.

Admittedly, the ending is a bit of a let-down, a build-up to a climax that doesn’t really hit its full potential, but sort of necessary considering the mystery had to continue in the next books. The author Brian Harmon maximizes the use of the setting, filling the tunnels and service areas with all kinds of interesting clues and obstacles his characters must go through

I shall be continuing The Temple of the Blind immediately, having already purchased the second entry, Gilbert House I invite any fan of grim mystery-thrillers to give this one a go.

Long Story Short – Kids get weird clues and a map that leads them underground. Madness ensues. A well-written, fast-moving story that will answer some of its questions, but leave others unanswered.

Where You Can Get It – You can get the book FOR FREE using the Amazon Kindle App. Here’s the link: The Box (novel can also be purchased in paperback)